THE LAND OF GRANDS

As soon as my oldest daughter told me that she was pregnant with our first grandchild I filed off my fingernails. I wouldn’t want to scratch this baby while bathing it. Next I started sterilizing the house. This baby will not crawl around on a floor with germs on it.

Later on in this pregnancy I started hunting for the perfect high chair. No, it would not be one of the new-fangled ones on the market for $300. I cruised around in the antique and re-sale shops. It had to be reminiscent of feeding my own children. Done! Within two weeks I’d found the perfect highchair and arranged it in a place of honor in the kitchen. That afternoon, I had been clipping my nails again, and as I put the clippers up in a childproof container in the bathroom cabinet with double child-proof latches, I noticed something on my forehead in the mirror.

Oh, my gosh! It was a huge red welt! This could be contagious. I immediately ran to get ice to put on it. That might head it off. This couldn’t be happening. I lay down for thirty minutes with the ice on the welt. This should do the trick. I went back into the bathroom to have a look at it. The welt was much bigger and now scarlet red! I shrieked and looked closer. It looked like it was forming letters. Oh-my-God! Reading backwards in the mirror, it spelled out, S-U-C-K-E-R ! The thing has remained glaring for years, getting bigger and redder with the birth of every grandchild. The only time it slightly abates is when I form the word NO, or leave my portable picture album at home. The welt stays away for the most part until I’m around the grandchildren again. I’ve started wearing concealer on my forehead when I’m around them. Bangs just aren’t enough. I just don’t want to scare them. Well, If the truth were to be known, I’m really just worried that they will soon be able to read it. The older ones have already caught glimpses, but when the twins learn to read it, I’m sure they will take extreme advantage of me.

This summer has been full of grandchildren. The first wave was four of them (all girls) from Arizona; ages 11, 13, 14, & 15. They are Savannah, Caitlin, Bailley and their lovely step sister Sonita. I had forgotten how much teen-age girls eat. They more or less descended upon the house like a plague of locust. They eat as much as boys that age. We went to the grocery store every single day.

Roy was first to entertain them. My friend, Ginger had come down from Fort Worth to go to an annual barbeque at Bolivar Peninsula. I was to be her date for this event, as her husband was at home having an affair with the voluptuous carrot cake left in his charge. Roy bravely offered to entertain the girls while we were gone. Well, he did an excellent job. He took them to Sam’s and H.E.B. to help him hunt for dinner. Everything was corralled in aisles for them. All they had to do was locate their target, shoot and toss it in the basket! I must say they did a great job. By the time we returned around 7:00 p.m., dinner was ready to go on the grill. Roy made some of the most humongous hamburgers I’ve ever seen. They were the big juicy kind that used to be offered at hamburger stands in the 50’s and 60’s. These were the kind that dripped down your chin and sleeve. It was a supreme treat!

Soon after I settled into the routine of feed, hunt, gather and feed; things smoothed out some. The girls were surprisingly adept at finding good food at reasonable prices. I felt bad when Sonita shyly approached me one afternoon with “Um….uh…….are we allowed to have pretzels?” The poor little thing. But wait!!!! What a break! A huge bag of pretzels at the grocery store was only $1.00 per bag. “Of course you can have pretzels, sweetie!” That turned out to be a life saving staple. So, every afternoon while we waited for their dad to pick them up, we played black jack and had iced coffee and ate a whole bag of pretzels. They also came in handy when I'd lost all my poker chips. The girls let me keep playing with the pretzel chips.

For six weeks, they went swimming; bowling, to the movies, to the roller rink, got pedicures, and went to the library nearly every single day. The library was a very special trip, as they could sign in for the use of a computer for an hour at a time. This was vital to them to keep in touch with their friends back home. We roasted wieners on the barbecue pit twice, ate watermelon, made smoothies and made up some awesome iced coffee. There was a sewing lesson somewhere in there. We made pillows out of scraps that I had left over from making some whimsical 7’ long poly pythons. T.V. was a series of the Disney Channel shows and oddly enough, cooking shows. Which one, depended on whose turn it was to watch what.

The first time I was approached about the iced coffee, Savannah had asked me if she could have some. Since this is what I’ve done with the left over cold coffee every day since I was abut eleven years old, I thought this could be something great, and it was. We added sweetener and Mexican vanilla to the coffee, and frothed up some milk. Then, we poured the milk and coffee together over ice. They loved it! Savannah chanted “Mena does Starbucks!”

The smoothies were equally as awesome. We more than often had these for lunch, instead of sandwiches. We’d just get out the blender, yogurt, strawberries, milk vanilla and bananas. Since they all loved these, there was no bickering about who gets what. “YEAH!!!!! Mena does Smoothie King!!!!!”

All of this was very successful, but I was running out of ideas that sounded appealing to any of the girls. This was because they’d had all the fun they could stand, and had become very homesick for Arizona and their friends. After another week (6 all together) they were just chomping at the bit to go home. Even the computers at the library weren’t enough. They have their limits, and they wanted to go home to be with their friends. By now the scarlet welt on my forehead was throbbing, and I was running out of concealer.

Soon after they’d all left for Arizona, Leslie brought Lucy and Max to visit for a long week-end while she went to visit a friend. Lucy and Max are 5, so it wasn’t hard at all to entertain them. We went to the club pool, armed with foam noodles to play with in the water, bottles of Crystal Light, sun screen towels and water. We were all cranked up to get in the pool. I got in first and told them to jump in. As soon as they took the first step down into the water, the lifeguard blew his whistle. "Thweeeeeeeeeet! Adult swim!" The look on their faces registered beyond disappointment. It went all the way to shock! I couldn’t believe it! The lifeguard looked at me and said, “Sorry.” I wanted to tell him Don't apologize to me you idiot! Tell these babies you're sorry!

I only stayed in for a couple of minutes, since I was the only adult in the Olympic size pool. I felt as though I should perform a water ballet or start doing laps, so I hung out with Max and Lucy in the baby pool while the lifeguard took a break. Soon, the lifeguard came over and told me that the baby pool was for children 5 and under, so I took my feet out. He said, “No, I mean these kids. They’re too old to be in the baby pool.” I told him they would not be six years old until September. He looked at them, and then at me as if maybe I was just telling a bald-faced lie. Apparently, he decided not to challenge it, and walked back to his throne. “Thweeeeeeeeeet! All swim! And then resumed talking to a bevy of adoring little girls.

After running and jumping into the pool several times, Max and Lucy decided that they wanted to go down the big tube slide at the deep end. I decided I’d be right there in the water to help them to the side. Treading water was a snap for me…..er…It used to be. After about the third time for each of the kids, I started to get tired. If I’d sunk to the bottom, the lifeguard wouldn’t have seen me. He was still occupied with his adoring harem. I told the kids to hold up for a while, and made it over to the ladder. After what seemed like forever, I caught my breath, and climbed out. Guess I’d just forgotten how old I am, and what my physical limitations are. The kids were good. After that, I just sat at the side, ready to jump in if it looked like there was any struggle. Max and Lucy are very good swimmers.

The next day, I took Max and Lucy to see Wall-E. As soon as we got there, we bought tickets, hit the restrooms, and then the snack bar. I got them each a Kid’s Pack, which consisted of popcorn, candy and a drink. It was very reasonable, and I wouldn’t have known about that if Leslie hadn’t told me. They didn't have such considerations when I was a kid; but then again, popcorn was only 5¢.

The movie itself was very entertaining. It was about how our planet got so filled with trash and garbage that mankind had to seek refuge in a huge space station to float around space until the earth was once again habitable. Enter Wall-E, a sweet little robot that was placed there to clean up the mess alone. Someone forgot to turn him off when mankind left the planet. Wall-E has found a plant growing in an old refrigerator. In the same refrigerator, he finds and adopts a cockroach as a pet. A space ship comes and leaves another robot called Eve (Extraterrestrial Vegetation Evaluator). Wall-E becomes very smitten with her, and …… Oh, well, I won’t give the plot away. The kids loved it, but I think it was a little long for 5 year olds. They started squirming a little towards the end.

The next day, Roy cranked up the old Harley Davidson. Max and Lucy had both been begging to go for a ride. Lucy told Max that she would give him her turn, and Max was eager to hop on. I folded up a small towel inside the helmet so that it would fit the kids better. Max was definitely a little apprehensive at first, but with some coaxing from Roy, he was feeling a lot more confident, even a little cocky by the time he returned from his ride. He announced to Lucy that it really wasn’t scary at all. She said, “I know.” Just like she was an old pro at motorcycle riding. When Lucy’s turn came around, she hopped on giggling with anticipation. As soon as Roy accelerated forward, she was squealing with glee. I could hear her all the way around the block. “Faster! Faster, RoyPa!” Lucy knows no fear.

It was time for these cuties to go home. I got a call from Leslie on the way home, announcing that Lucy decided that if she could be a super hero, she would be ARGUE GIRL! Believe me, the moniker fits. I’ll probably make her an outfit, complete with cape and possibly a cummerbund. Of course the colors would be pink and purple. I was already missing them, and I'll suffer some Grandmother's withdrawl; and Roy and I both need a rest. Besides, I need a few days to ice the scarlet welt back down, and to get some more concealer. That was so much fun!